i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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