What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
either way he was missing a nipple.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
