I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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