I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
