He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
