I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
