Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
