There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
