I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
