peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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