I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i believe in u and ur pee
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
