i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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