so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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