I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He felt like a one man threesome
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
third nipple confirmed
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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