You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude i'm inner monologue high
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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