I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
