May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
