I think I just saw someone hide a body.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
