dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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