my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You can't motorboat a personality
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
