Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
