I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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