four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
