already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
