I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
