Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
