Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
