Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
