Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
