and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
