so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
