I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
