first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
