Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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