a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
