And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
