I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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