just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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