Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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