OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
