Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I am available for nakedness
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
