his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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