Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
