the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
