i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I currently don't understand fingers.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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