Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
