I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Boobs speak an international language.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
