i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I cut my penus on the lid.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
