'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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