good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
