Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i think my cat just said my name.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
