it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
